Err what?
I dont know what happened lately, I really dont. I dont know what has changed but clearly too much, too much. Things are not the way they SHOULD be, I am not the person I was before, maybe its because of what has happened for the past god knows how many years, maybe its because of "that" which has increase in severity over the past 10 or so years.
I think that the way and the environment you are brought up in really shapes who you are, it shows other people what kinda person you are, it shows other people a glimpse of your past and perhaps future. Things that had happened must have changed me but what took so long? I was fine until now? I dont have an answer for that either.
I think I am getting more self centered by the day, I think I am trying to get more attention from people I really care which I think has caused some chaos and what not. I dont know what else to say anymore, I hate who I am at the moment but I know nothing can change it, as much as I dont want to hurt others anymore, I think some decision might be good in the long run.. or would it? I dont know.. It takes a lot of courage, it will take everything away from me, everything I ever wanted, I ever wished.
Again, I know that I can do my best to get it back one by one, so it really comes down to Path A or Path B? You might ask, what am I talking or referring to? Hrm, to be very honest, I dont know myself..
So, leave it? Hrm….
March 6th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
that last sentence in the last paragraph summed up exactly how i feel for the past few months too.
somehow, i feel like i can relate even though i have no idea what you are talking about… if that made sense. haha.